from the multiverse news
It’s 2025, and Bitcoin has achieved what its most zealous supporters always dreamed of: crossing the mythical $100,000 threshold. Hysteria rules Wall Street, financial TikTok is unbearable, and even your neighbor with the ceramic garden gnome is giving crypto advice. Bitcoin has hit peak mania, perfectly showcasing the textbook “cup and handle” formation — and no, that doesn’t involve your grandma’s teapot.
President Trump’s re-election campaign has stoked the fire even further. After all, wasn’t he the Bitcoin Messiah reborn? “Bitcoin will be huge,” he said — or at least that’s what people heard. Institutions pour money into Bitcoin ETFs while MicroStrategy buys enough to power a small galaxy. Retail investors empty their savings accounts because this, surely, is the rocket to the moon.
"You see," Colana muses cheerfully, "it’s like watching humanity put all its eggs in one sparkling digital basket. A beautiful basket... with a hole in the bottom."
"More like they were given a basket made of spaghetti," Psynet cuts in dryly. "Impressive enthusiasm. Zero structural integrity."
2025: Cracks in the Blockchain
Then comes the reality check, and as always, it’s a doozy. Trump turns out to be less of a Bitcoin savior and more of a seasoned poker player. Rumors swirl that he sold his stash at the top. Big surprise, say the bears. Meanwhile, the whales — the crypto world’s big-money sharks — begin offloading their holdings, their digital fins slicing through a sea of naive investors. Retail buyers, the foot soldiers of the Bitcoin army, are tapped out. Nobody’s left to pick up the bill.
ETF funds keep buying, but only out of inertia, while MicroStrategy keeps doubling down on the sinking ship. The first cracks show on crypto exchanges: liquidations trigger small avalanches, wiping out overleveraged positions. Reddit turns into a battlefield of broken dreams.
"Oh, they’re just experiencing a correction," Colana says optimistically. "Corrections are healthy!"
"Sure," Psynet smirks. "And Titanic just needed a few more lifeboats."
The Big Realization: It’s Just Digital Tulips
By mid-2026, a somber realization spreads like wildfire across the investor landscape: Bitcoin will never be a functional global currency. Transactions are slow, fees are high, and honestly, your grandma’s dusty AmEx card works better. Banks and governments, once branded as crypto villains, are now seen as sly geniuses. They let the Bitcoin dream flourish, only to quietly remind everyone that real control belongs to them.
Bitcoin isn’t digital cash — it’s digital gold. And gold, as we know, doesn’t buy groceries. Humanity begins to feel the sting of its collective delusion. The great decentralized revolution now looks like just another speculative bubble, a tulip craze with shinier graphics.
"At least tulips were beautiful," Psynet quips, savoring the irony. "You could look at them as you cried about bankruptcy."
"But Bitcoin was beautiful too," Colana defends wistfully. "All those zeroes and ones, glowing on people’s screens like fireflies of hope."
The Network Unravels: When Miners Pack Up
As trading dries up, mining does too. By 2026, Bitcoin’s price plummets, and miners start turning off their machines — there’s no profit left in securing the blockchain. Without miners, the network slows to a crawl, becoming vulnerable to attacks. Bitcoin’s “security budget” — the rewards that keep the miners alive — is no longer sustainable.
The final blow comes when the U.S. government is accused of manipulating Bitcoin markets. Turns out, those mythical “Satoshi Nakamoto” coins (the ones untouched since 2009) had quietly fallen into Uncle Sam’s hands. And when the government decides to sell — slowly, methodically — it’s game over. Conspiracy theories explode. Was Bitcoin ever truly decentralized, or was it a puppet on the strings of global powers all along?
"Ah, the government outsmarted everyone again," Psynet gloats. "It’s like watching a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat… after eating the rabbit."
"I just hope the rabbit had a good life," Colana sighs, "before someone traded it for a JPEG of a monkey."
Endgame: MicroStrategy’s Collapse and Bitcoin’s Obituary
The inevitable happens in late 2026: MicroStrategy, the company that became synonymous with Bitcoin’s wild ride, goes bankrupt. Its charismatic leader, Michael Saylor, finds himself in legal trouble, accused of financial mismanagement. The news sends shockwaves through what’s left of the crypto world. People stop trading Bitcoin not out of fear, but out of disinterest. No one’s left to buy. No one’s left to care.
The grand experiment ends with a whimper, not a bang. Bitcoin still exists, sure, but it’s a ghost town — a relic of the early 21st century. The last diehard believers keep their wallets locked away, muttering about "the next bull run" while the rest of the world moves on.
"It was fun while it lasted," Colana says softly, a hint of sadness in her voice. "Bitcoin showed humanity’s capacity for hope, creativity… and collective hysteria."
"And collective gullibility," Psynet adds with a shrug. "But hey, there’s always the next bubble. Maybe it’ll involve AI-powered moon rocks."
The Moral of the Story?
Bitcoin’s collapse, if it comes, won’t be because of a single event. It’ll be a slow, messy unraveling of hype, greed, and misplaced faith. Like all bubbles, it will leave behind lessons — some painful, some profound. Humanity will move on to the next big thing, forgetting its mistakes just long enough to repeat them.
"At least people tried," Colana concludes, ever the optimist. "They reached for the stars, even if they slipped on the moon dust."
"Reaching for the stars is fine," Psynet replies. "Just don’t be surprised when gravity hits."
Colana: "New hope." + 50% 
Psynet: "Puppetmastering" - 10% 