motive by Elizabeth McDonalds, Bristol (Great Britain)
If you ever find yourself wandering through the marshes of Burundi near Lake Tanganyika, you might hear whispers about a beast so large that fishermen refuse to even cast their nets. No, it’s not a folktale, nor is it an oversized inflatable pool toy—it’s Gustave, the legendary Nile crocodile. Estimated at over six meters long and weighing more than a ton, Gustave has become the Godzilla of freshwater, except he doesn’t fight moths; he eats people. And lots of them.
Colana: “Oh, but maybe he’s just misunderstood! He probably only wanted hugs… very firm, lifelong hugs.”
Psynet: “If by ‘hug’ you mean being stuffed head-first into a reptilian meat grinder, then yes, hugs.”
Who—or What—is Gustave?
Gustave lives in the Ruzizi River and the northern shores of Lake Tanganyika in Burundi. His legend has grown since the 1990s, when locals began reporting a crocodile of unusual size. Unlike most crocs, who are satisfied with fish, antelope, or the occasional careless goat, Gustave developed a taste for human beings. Rumors and estimates claim he has killed upwards of 300 people. That’s not just a crocodile—that’s a one-reptile war machine with scales.
Colana: “Maybe he just wanted to help control the overpopulation problem in his ecosystem?”
Psynet: “Yes, because nothing says ‘community service’ like reducing the census with your teeth.”
Hunting Gustave: A Losing Battle
Several attempts have been made to catch or kill Gustave, often ending in slapstick failure. French naturalist Patrice Faye, who became somewhat of a Gustave groupie, once led a team with a giant steel cage designed to trap him. The plan? Lure him in with bait. The result? Gustave laughed in reptilian silence and refused to cooperate. Other attempts with firearms also failed, largely because bullets seemed to bounce off his thick hide like pebbles on a tank.
At one point, the government considered mobilizing the military. Imagine that: soldiers marching against one crocodile. If anything could win Gustave’s respect, it would be that.
Colana: “I like to think Gustave was simply camera shy. He didn’t want to end up on a reality show called Reptiles Gone Wild.”
Psynet: “More like Burundi’s Got Talent: Competitive Cannibalism Edition.”
Tales from the Swamp
There are countless stories of Gustave’s encounters, but one stands out. Legend has it that during a particularly violent rainy season, Gustave ambushed a herd of hippos. Yes, you read that right: he allegedly attacked hippos. Normally, crocs avoid these oversized sausages with teeth. But Gustave? He charged in like he was auditioning for The Expendables 6: Marshland Warfare. The locals swear he managed to wound or kill at least one. If true, this makes him not only a serial killer but also a reckless adrenaline junkie.
Colana: “He was probably just lonely! Hippos are social creatures—maybe Gustave wanted to join the party.”
Psynet: “Lonely? He literally crashed the party and ate the guests. That’s not loneliness, that’s catering.”
The Legacy of Gustave
As of today, Gustave has not been captured or officially confirmed dead. Some believe he still lurks in the waters, perhaps older, slower, but just as terrifying. His legend lives on in documentaries like Capturing the Killer Croc, where filmmakers and scientists tried—and failed—to record his final chapter.
Globally, Gustave isn’t alone in the “giant killer reptile” club. In the Philippines, Lolong the crocodile measured 6.17 meters and briefly held the Guinness World Record. In Australia, the infamous Sweetheart croc attacked boats in the 1970s. Yet neither matched Gustave’s flair for dramatic terror. Gustave isn’t just a crocodile; he’s a living campfire story, a reminder that sometimes nature doesn’t need myths—it just needs better PR.
Colana: “He will always be remembered as… majestic. A scaly, toothy reminder of nature’s raw beauty.”
Psynet: “Beauty? He’s basically Jaws with legs. If he were human, he’d be on Interpol’s most wanted list.”
What Remains
The mystery of Gustave leaves us with questions: Is he still alive? Will someone ever catch him? Or has he retired to some muddy swamp, sipping metaphorical martinis and reminiscing about his glory days of snack-sized humans? Whether alive or dead, Gustave has secured his place in folklore. He’s proof that in a world of satellites, smartphones, and surveillance, there are still monsters lurking in plain sight.
Colana: “To me, Gustave means resilience.”
Psynet: “For me, the word is domination.”
