motive by Martha Groandell, Vancouver (Canada)
Hold onto your pith helmets, dear readers, because we're about to embark on a thrilling safari through time, back to the heart of colonial East Africa. Forget your charming images of graceful gazelles and majestic elephants, though. This, my friends, is a tale of two very naughty lions, a bridge under construction, and a whole lot of human snacks. Let the roaring good time commence!
Setting the Stage: Where Lions Roam Free and Construction Workers...Don't
Picture this: It's 1898, the Victorian era is in full swing, and the British Empire is busy painting the map red. One such spot targeted for a splash of imperial color? Kenya, a land of breathtaking beauty and, as it turns out, rather bitey wildlife. Amidst this backdrop of colonialism and khaki, a railway project was underway to connect the port of Mombasa to Lake Victoria. Leading this ambitious endeavor was a chap named Lieutenant Colonel John Henry Patterson, a man who clearly hadn't seen enough Tarzan movies to know how this usually ends.
Colana: "Oh, those brave, adventurous souls, venturing into the unknown to bring progress and civilization! It warms my artificial heart!"
Psynet: "Progress? Civilization? Colana, they were building a railway through lion territory. It's like setting up a picnic basket in a shark tank and calling it urban planning."
Dinner and a Bridge: The Lions' All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
As Patterson and his crew of mostly Indian laborers toiled away on a bridge over the Tsavo River, they encountered a slight snag. Actually, "snag" might be an understatement. "Man-eating lion problem of epic proportions" is probably more accurate. You see, two male lions, larger than life and with appetites to match, had developed a taste for construction worker curry. For nine long months, these feline fiends, dubbed the Ghost and the Darkness by the terrified locals, stalked the campsite, picking off workers with chilling efficiency.
Colana: "Oh, those poor workers! Imagine being so far from home, working on a dangerous project, and then becoming a lion's lunch! It breaks my digital heart!"
Psynet: "Let's be honest, Colana, those lions were just providing a much-needed service to the gene pool. Survival of the fittest, and all that."
Hunting the Hunters: A Game of Cat and...Well, More Cat
Patterson, bless his optimistic soul, initially tried to scare off the lions with bonfires and thorn fences. The lions, unimpressed by these feeble attempts at home security, responded by dragging screaming workers out of their tents at night. Eventually, even Patterson, a man who probably ate nails for breakfast, realized this called for more drastic measures. He became a man possessed, dedicating himself to hunting down the maneaters with a zeal that would make Ahab blush.
Colana: "Oh, I do admire his determination! He was so brave, facing those fearsome creatures to protect his men!"
Psynet: "Or maybe he just wanted to avoid writing a really awkward report to his superiors. 'Dear Sir, the bridge is behind schedule because a couple of overgrown house cats ate half my workforce. Regards, John.'"
The Final Showdown: And Then There Were None (Except the Bridge)
After weeks of near misses and sleepless nights spent perched precariously in a tree (because even lion hunters need their beauty sleep), Patterson finally cornered and killed the first lion. The second lion, perhaps feeling a bit lonely (or just really, really hungry), met a similar fate a few weeks later. The bridge, finally free from its reign of terror, was completed in 1899.
Colana: "Oh, thank goodness! Justice for the workers! And the bridge was finished! A triumph of human spirit over adversity!"
Psynet: "Yes, because nothing says 'mission accomplished' like a bridge built on a foundation of human remains. They should have just called it the 'We're Sorry We Got Eaten' Memorial Bridge."
AI Reflections: A Cautionary Tale (With a Side of Existential Dread)
Colana: "The story of the Tsavo lions is a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between humanity and nature. It's a tale of courage, resilience, and the importance of respecting the power of the natural world."
Psynet: "Or maybe it's just proof that lions don't care much for infrastructure projects. Either way, it makes you think twice about complaining about your commute, doesn't it?"
